Quintessence
by Sailor Panda
Summary: [MirokuKagome] The taste of heartbreak can be bitter, but there are times when the chance comes to find another flavor to take its place. Reaching out for it, however, isn't quite as simple as it sounds.


**WARNING:** Major character death, though not the main stars of this fic if that brings you any ease. And let's all just keep our fingers crossed and hope this uploads with the correct formatting and italics (I've been having lots of problems on with that).

Anyway, this is all really just a big long one-shot. But it was getting chunky so I decided to separate it into two or three parts. Especially since I didn't quite get around to writing the end yet – my muse was rather fickle while I was in Asia, though I suppose that's nothing new either. Heh.

oOo

Chapter 1: To Move On 

oOo

oOo

_I am a simple man; a man of action or a man of patience whenever the situation calls for it. I must admit, however, that despite my profession's preference for peace, I do prefer action to patience, but there are times when a choice is not given and there is nothing to do but wait._

_Now is such a time._

_Waiting is the only choice left to me. There is nothing else, no other option open. Not now, not after the unbelievable has happened. _

_Inuyasha is dead. _

_The indestructible warrior that had always won against unbeatable odds finally met with an odd he could not beat. As many times as he had battled and survived, apparently even he was not able to withstand the holy powers of purification._

_It was a downside of having youkai blood._

_Even for a hanyou._

The only thing that allows me to sleep at night is the knowledge that he must have died quickly and did not suffer. Poor comfort, perhaps, but I have learned long ago even before that first fateful meeting with an argumentative hanyou and venerable miko to make do with what I have.

_He was my friend and I had mourned his loss. It was deep and I still mourn, even now. How could I not?_

_After all, one such as myself has had few to call a true'friend.' _

_And now…now I must wait. I must draw upon the patience taught to me by my calling and my mentors. I must bide my time until she has properly mourned her broken first love before I can make my attempt to present mine. It's a chance I once thought I'd never have, and still wouldn't if fate had been more kindly towards her. But now I do have that chance and, because I have learned the value of even a moment's happiness in my cursed life, I cannot pass it up. _

_Buddha forgive me..._

Kagome smiled as she walked through the village with Shippou in tow. It seemed like such a long time since they'd been witness to the gaiety of a human festival firsthand and just watching his excited expression warmed her heart. He was in obvious awe of his surroundings and she really couldn't blame him.

Oh!. Lots of colors. Very pretty.

It was different from anything they'd seen put forth by the smaller village of Kaede's. Brightly hued cloths and patters in various colors of the rainbow swirled around them, some adorned by other gatherers of the festival and others in the form of swaying decorations that shifted with the playful breeze. Music could be heard in the distance and the laughter of both children and adults filtered through the air. And, seeing the huge smile on Shippou's face as he took it all in made Kagome very glad that she'd decided to come.

She'd have to remember to thank Miroku for the invitation.

"Kagome! Kagome, look! A parade!"

Wincing slightly at Shippou's rather loud yell – she doubted there was anyone within a five-mile radius who hadn't heard him – she followed his pointing finger to the object in question. It was, indeed, a parade. And, as the parade consisted of gaily-dressed children rather than adults, it was no wonder why Shippou was so excited. He was practically vibrating in place with his desire to see more.

"Why don't we take a closer look?" she suggested.

"Yeah!"

She took his hand in hers and he bounced happily beside her as they maneuvered through the increasingly larger throng of fellow festival onlookers. With big turquoise colored eyes sparkling with enthusiasm and fluffy little foxtail swaying with every step, Shippou made an impossibly cute sight. And, though he wasn't human, he was still her pride and joy. So affectionate and bursting with energetic life, he always made her motherly instincts rise. Kagome was grateful that she had him, at the very least.

Because having children of her own with the man she loved was impossible.

It was a dream that had died months ago along with him. And such a bitter death it had died too. Even after all this time, the betrayal still tasted like ashes in her mouth.

Inuyasha and Kikyou …I hope you're both happy in Hell.

"Are you still sad, Kagome?" Shippou asked anxiously.

The question was accompanied by a jiggling of her hand to get her attention, which it successfully did. Kagome blinked and hoped her expression hadn't reflected the bitter thought she'd had. It was out of place amongst the festivities that surrounded them. Schooling her features into reassuring lines, she inwardly castigated herself for allowing her mind to be pulled down such a morbid path.

_I'm alive._

_They're not._

And she was alive and here to spend time with Shippou and make up for the fun they'd been missing out on these past months while she mourned. Though it was still undecided as to whether what she mourned for was the loss of her dream or the one she had loved.

Don't think about it now.

"I'm not sad, Shippou-chan," Kagome finally said. "I was just thinking."

"Well, don't think too much. We're here to have fun!"

She couldn't help but chuckle over that. She was being chided by little Shippou! It didn't matter if his actual age was more fifty than five; the way he behaved, she couldn't see him as anything other than a child. A child who deserved to enjoy life in these hard-won peaceful times!

"Kagome-sama!" called a familiar voice. "Over here!"

A genuine smile broke over her features upon spying the figure waving them over to a spot beside the parade. She and Shippou happily returned the wave. It had been a quite a while and Kagome regretted that she'd let her wish of seeing old friends go by so long without being granted. Dressed in his usual monk's robes, he was as handsome as he ever had been.

"Miroku-sama!"

Her happiness at seeing a good friend after so long was uncontrollable and she had launched herself at him before her mind could even think of the command. Surprise was visited upon all parties at the unexpected action as Miroku caught her in his arms with a low grunted _oomph!_ while her frame settled against his. Once her mind caught up with the rest of her, only then did she realize what she had done.

She'd literally thrown herself into the arms of a perverted monk. She'd thrown herself into the arms of _Miroku_. And, not only that but…

She was still holding on.

She hadn't realized she'd missed him that much. But she had. Still, Kagome was well acquainted with Miroku and his perverted ways and steeled herself to be a recipient once again to another of his perverted groping attempts. However, when none was forthcoming and hands remained still in propriety-acceptable positions, the extreme strangeness of it struck her as she drew back in alarm.

_Could- Could Miroku be sick?_

But a quick scan from her worried gaze showed nothing physically wrong with the monk. Indeed, his smile was as affable as ever and his expression just as welcoming and seemed almost serene.

Wow. Maybe Miroku's finally grown up.

The thought was oddly…

Disappointing.

And maybe she just needed to stop thinking so much.

"Uh, Kagome-sama?" Miroku said politely. "I know you dislike drawing attention to yourself. So it might be a good idea if you…step back a little."

_Urgh! Why didn't I let go?_

She quickly retracted her arms from where they'd still been loosely draped over Miroku's shoulders and took a few steps back. Blushing, Kagome looked around. The festival crowd was rather large and there were many, many people.

With many, many eyes.

Directed at them.

At her.

_Urgh! Again!_

Maybe Miroku wasn't the one they needed to be wary of anymore.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I don't want to cause trouble for you in your new home."

"Oh, there's no need to worry about that. I've been here long enough that they know my ways fairly well. And though having a beautiful woman throw herself at me can only enhance my reputation-"

Kagome's blush deepened.

"- I believe having a miko do so may have the opposite effect. Why, they might think I've been reformed somehow and all my hard work to demonstrate otherwise will be unraveled."

Kagome couldn't help herself. She giggled.

Shippou just looked at them as if they were both nuts.

And Miroku…

Miroku just smiled. "I see you've made a change in your wardrobe. It suits you."

"Yeah, uh, thanks. I didn't know what else I could do to earn a living here and, well, since I already had the abilities I thought I might as well get the outfit to match."

"Kagome-sama, you always have such an interesting way of phrasing things. I do believe that this is the first time I've ever heard anyone refer to the donning of the formal holy wear of our professions as a fashion choice."

"Ah, that droll humor." She grinned. "I've really missed you."

"Of course you did. I'm but the epitome of a humble monk, after all."

Shippou snorted. "Yeah, right."

"And there's our bundle of kitsune joy. How could I have forgotten?"

"Because you're too busy doing your usual flirting routine." Shippou glared. "With Kagome!"

"My sincerest apologies. I don't know how I can ever make amends." Miroku reached into his sleeve and dangled a small pouch before the kitsune. "Some sweets from a local villager. Forgive me?"

"Hey! No fair!" Tiny hands reached for the pouch. "But since you asked so nicely…"

"Ah, a kitsune after my own heart."

"It's not your heart I'm interested in, Miroku."

"Crushed. I'm simply crushed."

Shippou just snorted as he clutched the pouch tightly to his chest.

As the kitsune busied himself with eagerly examining the delicious smelling contents of the pouch, the arrogantly satisfied smirk on Miroku's face as he tucked his hands casually into his voluminous sleeves had Kagome shaking her head.

Some things just never changed.

"Don't eat too much, Shippou-chan," Kagome chided gently. "Save some for later."

"Okay."

"And if you want a good view while you savor your sweets," added Miroku, "then hop on up."

He motioned to a stack of overturned barrels beside him, no doubt the motivation for selecting the spot in the first place. Shippou complied happily and settled himself on top of one of the barrels that, despite his short height, gave him a great view of the festivities while he munched on his treats. Absorbed in the sights in sounds, his little head craned this way and that as he chewed and completely tuned out everything else.

Kagome was pleased to see him in such high spirits and murmured to Miroku, "Thanks for inviting us."

"You're welcome. I'm just glad you came."

"Well, your invitation came at the right time. I was beginning to feel as if I should start venturing more outside of the village on my own without Kaede-obaachan. Apparently, she thought so too since she told me roughly the same thing before Shippou-chan and I left."

"And how is your training?"

"Harder than I thought it would be. I've still got a lot to learn but there's just so much of it – weaponry, prayers, spells, ceremonies, medicines, and…well, I'm sure you know. You must have learned basically the same things."

"To some extent."

"Oh, and the herbs! It's like botany without the schoolbook. Actually, all of it is pretty much like being back in the classroom, except without the bell ringing that tells you it's time for break or the end of the day."

"Un." Miroku wasn't completely sure what she was talking about, but he nodded as if he did. "And you are enjoying it, aren't you?"

"Surprisingly, yes. I mean, I still wish for things from my time since they're easier and I do want to go back home and see everyone too. God, I miss my family!" She sighed. "But I've had months to get use to the idea that I can't do that, so I guess this is as good as it gets. And, believe me, it's a lot better now than how I thought things would turn out when we discovered that the well was permanently sealed and I was going to stranded here." Her lips curved as she glanced at Shippou whose eyes were glued to the parade. "But at least I wasn't alone. That helped. A lot."

"Those of us who are left will always be willing to help you, Kagome-sama."

That earned Miroku a quick grin. "I know. And I'm sorry I haven't been keeping in touch with you as much as I should have been. I've just…well, there were things I needed to deal with first."

"And you have…dealt with them satisfactorily?"

"Yeah." She bit her lip. "Mostly. Okay, I guess there's still some stuff I need to work on." Shifting uncomfortably, she changed the subject. "Where's Sango-chan, anyway? I don't see her around anywhere."

Kagome scanned the crowd in search of the female taijiya and Miroku took the opportunity to observe her more closely while her attention was preoccupied. She was looking thinner than he remembered, but was still as beautiful as the day he had first seen her, though she had on considerably more clothes. She was dressed the part of traditional miko from the white ribbon tightly tied around her hair to the zori sandals and the white kimono tucked into red hakama tied at her waist, emphasizing its slimness. She was a figure to command respect and anyone else looking at her would see a completely happy, attractive young woman.

But Miroku was well versed in all manner of deceptions and an added advantage was that he knew her too well and could see the tired eyes and strain lying beneath the affected façade. Though he wished otherwise, clearly she was still struggling with the circumstances of the past. It couldn't be helped. Kagome was just too kind-hearted and her loyalty was too strong to allow for quick healing despite discovering the betrayal of Inuyasha.

It was a given that she'd be the one most affected by his death.

And Kikyou's.

"Hello, hello? Are you in there? Miroku-sama?"

Lips twitching, Kagome waved her hand over Miroku's eyes. Repeatedly. When she finally got a reaction and he blinked at her, she couldn't hold back the laugh at his bewildered expression. A faint dust of pink glossed over his expression and she couldn't help but notice that he really was rather attractive. Then it was her turn to blink and blush as she tried to shake the uncomfortable thought away.

_What's _wrong_ with me today?_

"And Kaede-obaachan's been complaining about _my_ daydreaming," Kagome commented to distract herself. "Just wait until she sees you again!"

Miroku gave a mock bow. "My most humble apologies for my rudeness, oh, exalted miko-sama."

Kagome just rolled her eyes.

"Speaking of seeing Kaede-sama…was that an invitation I heard?"

Her laughter faded, replaced by embarrassment. "Yeah. It's been a while in coming, and I'm sorry if I chased you out if it seemed like you weren't wanted but…"

"Kagome-sama." His voice was gentle. "I understand. Sango-sama and I both did; we knew you needed time without so many people hovering over you. I believe Kaede-sama, Shippou, and the rest of the villagers were more than enough."

"No kidding," she snorted. "Ah, that reminds me. You didn't answer my question. Where's Sango-chan?"

"Planning for the upcoming wedding, I imagine."

"Wedding!" Kagome squealed in surprise. "When did this happen?"

"What? You didn't receive the message sent to you?"

"That particular memo must have gotten lost somewhere because I definitely would have remembered reading it." Grinning, she nudged him with her elbow. "So when's the date? Where's the wedding going to be? When did it happen? When and just how did you finally pop the question? Give me the details!"

"Ah, Kagome-sama?" Miroku was frowning at her, a little thrown by her strange phrasing. "Surely you don't think that Sango-chan and I - That we - Hmm…"

"You mean…you're not?"

Miroku shook his head.

"Oh. Oh! But- But why not? I mean, you were - At least, I thought the two of you were- But I guess not if she's marrying someone else." Her worried gaze searched his features. "Are you…okay with this?"

Miroku pinched the bridge of his nose. "I really wish you had received that letter. Everything would be so much simpler."

"Sorry. I'll try to do better the next time I don't receive one."

"Such sarcasm, Kagome-sama, really isn't befitting the image of a miko."

"Sorry, I'll try to do better on that too," she responded just as sarcastically. Then her expression settled into one more of concern. "So how do you…um, feel about this?"

"Sango-sama's impending marriage?"

Kagome nodded.

"Why, I wish them all the best, of course. If Sango-sama's happy then, as her friend and former comrade-at-arms, I'm happy for her as well."

"Is that…_all_ you feel?"

"Kagome-sama," Miroku sighed. "I think you're under a mistaken impression about the status of my broken heart. Or lack thereof. I don't possess the necessary feelings for Sango-sama to gain one."

"You don't?"

He grinned at her bemusement. "Oh, I can't deny that there was a time when I thought…but then, I've thought that about other women too. I was in rather desperate circumstances then, so I was inclined to look favorably on any attractive woman-"

"Yeah, I think we can all remember that."

"And Sango-sama was so much more convenient as she was already constantly with us-"

"That's a poor excuse to hit on a girl!"

"But," Miroku smoothly continued on as if deaf to Kagome's interruptions, "dangerous situations tend to bind people together and confuse emotions so that a person may think he, or she, is feeling one thing when it's really something else. Even before Naraku's defeat came about, I believe Sango-sama knew that I wasn't the person best suited for her."

"And what about you?"

"I knew…some time before that."

"Oh."

Lips twitched. "Disappointed?"

"Yes. No. I mean-" Kagome pursed her lips. "It's just not what I was expecting. I was hoping that maybe the two of you would have the happy ending that I-" She broke that train of thought abruptly too and sighed. "So, who did you say this strange man sweeping Sango-chan up in the arms of matrimony was?"

"I didn't and you've already met him before."

"I have?"

"Takeda Kuranosuke. Remember him?"

"No, I- Wait. Wasn't he that feudal lord that-"

"Yes."

"You mean he actually _waited_? It's been – what? Over two years!"

"Yes, well, apparently he tired of waiting and went searching for her after hearing of Naraku's defeat. He showed up in Sango-sama's village months ago and, though she was somewhat resistant to his constant proposals, it seems he eventually wore her down. I must say, his persistence really was admirable."

_Wait a minute!_ "Months ago? Why didn't anyone tell me anything sooner about him coming back?"

"I would have, but Sango-sama made me promise not to mention any of it in my correspondences. She didn't want any of her romantic circumstances to stir up any painful memories of…well…"

Oh.

Her eyes dropped to the ground. "It's okay. It doesn't hurt anymore."

A vivid image flashed across her vision, familiar and haunting and inescapable. Scraps of red and white, a violently scorched earthen pit staining the ground –

Bow and arrows and Tetsusaiga lying side by side.

Tears prickled. "Well, no. I take that back. It does still hurt. Though not as much as it did."

But it still hurt, damnit.

He had never even bothered to say _good-bye_.

"Kagome-sama."

Misery splintered into baffled astonishment when she suddenly found her hands caught up and held in the warm press of his. The words she wanted to say melted on her tongue when her gaze lifted from their clasped flesh into his eyes that were swimming with-

Well, she didn't know _what_, but whatever it was seemed solemn and weirdly comforting and intent as he slowly bent down towards her while she couldn't tear herself away as her head tilted itself upwards and she-

"Kagome-sama. Will you marry me?"

Blinked wildly. "Wha-?"

His lips quirked. "I asked, 'Will you marry me?'"

"I- You- Why- _Ooh!_"

He was grinning openly now. "You didn't say _no_."

She made a rough sound that might have been his name, but it was too choked and inarticulate to be completely sure. Supremely irritated, Kagome wondered how Miroku could suddenly act so…so like _him_ when she'd been expecting-

What?

What _had_ she been expecting?

Confusion halted her anger and threw everything into…well, _confusion_. And that revealing little epiphany just made her head start to throb and she told herself not to think of it anymore.

What did it matter anyway? What good did it do her to become upset over Miroku not doing in the first place…whatever it was she didn't know she'd been expecting him to do?

Ugh.

Must stop thinking. Now.

She did, felt cooling relief wash over her mind and realized that not thinking was very, very good. And there was something else she suddenly realized too. Her hands were-

Still. In. _His._

_Not thinking is _not _good!_

Quickly she yanked her hands out from his as if they were on fire. Feeling unusually flustered and flushed – _what's that about anyway? _– she stabbed the man responsible with an accusatory glare.

How dumb could she get? How could she have been so insanely stupid as to let her guard down around him? And him! After not seeing each other for ages, how could he still be so perverted while she had been wallowing in misery until he had –

Distracted her.

For one brief moment, Kagome hadn't thought of Inuyasha at all.

_Huh. _

_So what does that mean?_ Thinking about it made her head hurt again_. Okay, I'll save it for later. Can't think during festivals – it's against the rules._

"Miroku-sama," Kagome sighed. She considered several different things to say to him but settled with, "Are we invited to Sango-chan's wedding?"

He gave her a look that said he knew that wasn't what she really wanted to say, but he let her get away with it anyway. "Of course. But the nuptial preparations for a lord are more involved than those for a more common person. They take more time. I'm sure Sango-sama will let us know well in advance before that day comes."

"Hmm."

"You're planning a visit before then, aren't you?"

"Well, maybe. It's just been so long since I've seen her. But if I'm going to be in the way, I should probably just wait until later."

"Believe me, you won't be in the way. Sango-sama told me that she was hoping you'd see her before the wedding, but she didn't want to seem as if she were pushing you into something if you weren't ready for it."

_Ah, guilt_, Kagome mused. _Where did you run off to? I was starting to miss you._

Well, at least that settled one decision.

"So where is Sango-chan now? At her village or at Kuranosuke-sama's residence?"

"She did originally wish to hold the ceremony at her village but…it's not a very good omen to begin a marriage where there was such…destruction."

_Carnage_, Kagome's mind supplied, remembering. _At least we gave them a decent burial. But it is probably better she's not there if she's on the verge of starting over a new life. I wonder though…is it really the life she wants? Is she going to give up being a taijiya? And what about- Grr, head starting to hurt again. Whatever happened to not thinking? And…just where the heck was Kuranosuke-sama's located anyway? _

"Uh, Miroku-sama?"

"Yes?"

"I don't suppose you could give me directions to Kuranosuke-sama's?"

"I could."

"Great!"

"But-"

"Uh-oh."

"I'll show you instead."

"Eh? Show me the directions? Isn't that kind of what I already asked?"

"No, Kagome-sama. I meant that I'm coming with you."

"What!" Something in her was panicked at the idea. "I can't ask you to do that!"

"You don't need to. I volunteered myself as your escort."

"Well, it's _really_ not necessary and I-"

"Kagome-sama, the festival started quite some time ago."

The sudden switch in topics threw her. "Huh?"

"The letter you sent me assured me that you would arrive prior to the festivities."

"Oh. Uh…well, about that…"

Miroku arched a brow.

"Don't look at me like that! I just took…a little detour."

His other brow arched too.

"Okay, fine! I got lost! Happy? Is that what you wanted to hear? But it was just the once!"

For lack of more brows, he cocked his head.

"…or twice."

He made a humming sound.

"Alright already! Three times! Geez." She glared. "Evil in holy man's clothing."

"But, Kagome-sama, it's for your own good. It's not nice for a miko to lie, after all."

"Miroku-sama…you're the last person I want to say anything like that to me."

"Be that as it may, I don't think traveling with just a young kitsune," he glanced at the kitsune in question who, amazingly, was still quite absorbed in the festivities, "is quite enough to ensure your…timely arrival. As I already know the exact location myself, I'm the best choice for a guide and I offer my services to you free of fee."

"But your duties-"

"Can be put aside for a few days. In case you haven't noticed, this is a temple and I am not the only one dressed in the clothing of a holy person."

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Of course, I might relent if I knew Kaede-sama was accompanying you as she's very well familiar with the countryside. But I'm sure you wouldn't want a woman of her years taking such a grueling trip when I have no doubt that she'll just have to make the journey soon again to attend Sango-sama's wedding."

"No, but-"

"Besides, I was thinking of paying a visit anyway. Kuranosuke-sama is very hospitable towards friends of his soon-to-be-bride. And I hear the sake there around this time of the year is especially good."

"But- Oh, I give up!" she grumbled. "Fine, you can be our guide."

"Then I suggest once the festivities die down, we find you lodgings. We can pick up supplies tomorrow and then be on our way later that day or perhaps even the next."

"So soon?"

"Weren't you thinking of heading there right after your visit and sending Kaede-sama a notice of where you're going?"

"Yeah, but- Miroku-sama! You've got to stop reading my mind! It's getting unnerving." She glared when he chuckled. "And for your information, I'm sure I could find the place just fine on my own without your help. Er, eventually. I don't know why you're so insistent about coming with me anyway."

The look on his face suddenly changed; she didn't know how or in what way exactly, but knew that somehow it had _changed_. Her breath caught, something inside her being tugged at his sudden charming grin and she wondered –

_Was she going insane?_

"Because, Kagome-sama." Miroku winked. "You didn't say _no_."

Clearly she already had.


End file.
